It’s Practically a Salad

Fruit gummies shaped like little baby grape clusters and oranges? Practically a fruit medley.

A margarita with an orange garnish? Practically a juice cleanse.

And a batch of gluten-free, egg-free, dairy-free breaded shrimp? Practically a salad.

I’m not a food scientist and I haven’t done the exact calorie calculations on this, but my rough math suggests that this recipe is the nutritional equivalent of an avocado.



Eating gluten-free can make it challenging to eat a lot of foods you can crunch your teeth into. It’s a lot of potatoes and a lot of rice and, in general, a lot of soft-ish foods.

From what I understand of my observations of normal human eating, breaded things are very popular. Gluten eaters will fry just about anything. Oreos. Onion rings. Mozzarella. The madness never ends.

I am not even going to waste either of our time going into why we try to fry everything. Spoiler alert: it is so delicious it makes you forget for a minute that you have to put on a pair of jeans tomorrow and may want to maintain some semblance of self-control so you are not forced to trot through your weekend wearing a pair of holey “I (heart in the shape of a mouse head) Disney World” grey sweatpants.

Whew. The post-fried-food pants shuffle is a real struggle.

Luckily we have the solution for both those of you who wear pants and the gluten-intolerant.

Thank goodness.

Usually these two sub-sets of the population are impossible to group together.



The shopping list for this decadent meal is not as hefty as one might think. The casual throwing-about of the phrase “gluten-free” is normally a heads up to move some money around because this dinner is going to cost you your mortgage payment. Not today!

Peel that shrimp and have it ready to go! Sorry. That looks way bossier typed out than the tone in which I typed it.

In a deep frying pan (or deep skillet), heat up about 1-1.5 inches of vegetable oil. I usually keep it on medium low. Hot oil is never something you want to deal with by blasting the heat.

Pour half a cup of original almond milk into a cereal-eating-esq bowl. It is important that the almond flavor is “original.” Almond milk plays this fun game where the design of its “vanilla” flavor makes shoppers think it is the “original” tasting almond milk. It’s a whole almond milk political thing. Don’t get sucked into it. We are better than this. Just buy the original and avoid being fooled.

Next, on a large flat plate or baking sheet pour your corn starch. Mix in roughly two tablespoons of seafood seasoning with a fork. I use Chef Paul’s. If you are looking for a bunch of flavor, I sometimes add a couple of pinches of chili powder. It doesn’t make the shrimp spicy but does make the flavor come out a little more.

Dip your shrimp into your almond milk, roll it around in your corn starch mixture, add to the heated oil, and get down to business. The shrimp does not take long to fry; generally just over a couple of minutes, depending on how big the shrimp are.

Serve with a small bowl of vegan mayo (bought at your local grocery store) for dipping and you have yourself a gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free batch of breaded shrimp. Which is practically just a salad.


*This same frying method also works excellently for chicken, calamari, catfish, and just about anything else you want to fry. Do remember that chicken will take much longer to cook than seafood. Happy eating!*


Written by Shelby Dorsey,

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