Last week we shared reasons why you are an awesome adult. You buy food. You use some sort of transportation to get from place to place. You buy quality clothing. You are a real life champion, you golden nugget of a sunflower.
Then this weekend happened.
And I spent all my money on Disney World cotton candy and took a half day on Monday due to a gluten poisoning incident.
It just feels this week as though I am barely staying afloat in the rip tide that is being a grown-up.
My floors are covered in dog hair. I started laundry on Sunday and am still flirting with getting my towels washed. Basically, my self and my living space are a disaster zone.
The moral of this story is that dogs are still ridiculously expensive and I know that laundry detergent pods are way more expensive than the liquid detergent but I am worth the pods so there goes all the money.
In this self-pity vein, let us all look at ways in which we are utterly failing as adults.
You have fifty dollars to hold you over until your next paycheck but you’ve had Starbucks every day.
Those of us who are Starbucks obsessed understand that some days require a five dollar latte. Because the Lord knows that if I am going to wait forty-five minutes in the drive-thru line for my Hazelnut Soy Latte, I’m gonna get at least a grande.
Time is money, which means that the more time I spend in line, the more likely I am to spend more money to get more coffee.
I just pray that some adult emergency doesn’t come up in the last five days before the next payday because kicking the Starbucks habit is simply out of the question.
Scheduling doctors’ appointments becomes a hell like you’ve never imagined.
Insurance. Work conflicts. Going without your mom.
All of these are horrible realities that adults face while trying to take care of their health.
If you thought making it over to the Health Center was tricky in college, just wait.
Just. You. Wait.
I have put off necessary doctor’s appointments for months because it is such a pain in the neck to try and figure out insurance combined with working around being employed.
I feel like Uber should have figured out some sort of joint service by now, where I can get my teeth cleaned on the way home from Thirsty Thursday. This would encourage me to not only support my local economy via drinks and get me off of my couch on weeknights, but it would also serve as an incredible incentive to knock out some health-conscious birds with a brilliant stone.
So I just find myself not going. Cause that’s good adulting.
No. It’s not.
But, like, do I have to shower?
I’m too tired to human most days. I work. I clean my house. Sometimes. I cook. And then I am supposed to commit to not only showering but then somehow drying my hair, either with time or a blow dryer.
I could wake up at like six in the morning and shower before work. But that is unreasonable.
This forces me to shower at night.
And I know a shower sounds like an easy, part-of-life-so-just-suck-it-up-and-do-it thing. But the struggle is actually so real.
Being clean is a commitment we are all forced to make whether we want to or not.
We are not proud of our utter disdain for spending twenty minutes — start to drying finish — on cleanliness, but it is just a fact.
Yet another example of how adulting is too hard and, if we can’t bring our chocolate milk into the shower, we are not going.