Impress Humans with Food

Chicken sausage pasta. It sounds complicated and fancy.

It is exactly the opposite of both of these things.

Chicken Sausage Pasta.png

As an adult (or adult-in-training), you will find yourself in situations where you are in charge of feeding others.

Whereas feeding myself sometimes consist of a bite of day-old cake and a swig of Sprite, guests demand more from me.

In my hosting experience, I have found that carbs are the way to go when feeding others. Carbs are hard to mess up and they make people sleepy so it discourages guests from staying too long. This meal will make you wanna nap in an XXL sports t-shirt for a team you mildly support. And it will make your guests want to do the same. Win win.

Plus, carbs make people happy. Happy people don’t kill the hostess. They just don’t.

For chicken sausage pasta, all you need is a bowl and a pot and a pan and a cutting board.

This may sound like a lot but it’s not really.

You are cooking for other humans. There is going to be some work involved. Don’t panic.

This meal has won over:

  • Boyfriends (well, just the one)
  • Grandparents with sophisticated taste
  • Sister’s boyfriends (also, just the one)
  • Parents
  • Boyfriend’s mom
  • Me (and I have high standards)

This is the first meal I made for my boyfriend and, while I’m not saying this meal is magical, I’m pretty sure it’s the reason we are still together.

Jokes!

But really.

Also – if you are interested in really killing it and making a double batch so you have lunch for the upcoming week, you will earn yourself a shiny gold star.

So, sit back, put on a Spotify playlist about love or car jackings or whatever suits your fancy and adult it up!

Shopping List

I recommend, before you start cooking, to go ahead and chop up your tomato, onion, and garlic clove. Also, roughly chop up your sausage. That sounds gross. But it is not a pretty or delicate process. I usually leave mine in half-inch long chunks.

This prep will make the rest of the cooking so much easier.

First, cook pasta like a human being.

If you don’t know how, there is no judgment. It took me a minute also.

Boil water. Add pasta and cook uncovered. Stir semi-often. I use gluten-free pasta, which takes about 11-13 minutes. I do not know how long gluten-infested pasta takes but just go with your instincts. Or whatever is on the box. I don’t know all the things.

Whilst your pasta is cooking, add sausage to a hot pan that you’ve splashed with olive oil or butter. Use a big pan because you will be adding basically all your ingredients back into this pan.

Then just drink your white wine for a minute. This is the chill part of the process.

When the sausage is almost done, add the can of chicken broth to your pan.

And when I say “almost done,” I mean, if you served the sausage now you would be mildly nervous that your guests would die of some sort of raw meat disease but not worried enough to let them know. More a let’s-see-what-happens situation.

Add the tomato, onion, and garlic to the pan as well. Now we wait for the sausage to be all the way cooked.

I usually cut open three or four pieces and just make sure none of them are pink in the middle.

It’s the Julia Childs way.

When your pasta is flirting with being done, add the spinach leaves to the sausage pan. I usually add a whole bag because spinach wilts and becomes tiny and nervous.

Pasta’s done!  Drain the water.

In whatever is bigger — your pan or pot or serving bowl — mix the pasta and the contents of your sausage pan together. Top with grated parmesan cheese.

 

I’m not kidding — this is the easiest meal in the world and is incredibly delicious. Happy Tuesday, friends!

 

Comment below with your own dishes that are easy but trick others into thinking you can cook.

 

Written by Shelby Dorsey, sadorsey@live.com
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