#SparkleNightmare

Today is the day where we can shamelessly re-post the best photos of ourselves on social media under the umbrella of “throwing it back.” And while we cannot wait to “like” our way through this day, we must insist on using Thursday as a platform to talk about some serious matters.

It can be uncomfortable and even painful to harshly look in the past, at the people we used to be. But this is the best way to grow into the best version of ourselves.

No.png

That’s right. This week: the sparkly, sequenced horror show that was this flimsy bag. Don’t click away in disgust; this is a safe place. We know you had one (or wanted one). And while they were all the rage when you were twelve and trying to find a way to rock that muffin top while nursing a hardcore Orlando Bloom crush, you are in a better place now. A healthier place. And, from this delightful perspective, we are now able to look back on this stage of life and examine what the hell was going on, so that the same horror may not repeat itself again.

Before we go any further, we must insist that, if you still have one of these in your home, tucked far back in a dusty closet, throw it out today. Or repurpose it into a make-shift disco ball. These are your only two options.

And, while we are at it, let us be so bold as to make a blanket statement – any purse that can be repurposed into a make-shift disco ball is not worthy of carrying your snack collection and your Starbucks loyalty card.

Now, onto this monstrosity of a purse.

 

What was wrong with it?

Everything. No structure, no pockets, no protection from the sunrays that reflected off of those shiny pieces of flimsy plastic. While this purse may have protected you from getting hit by a bike messenger, its reflective surface has no place hanging off of your body on a day-to-day basis.

 

Why did we love it?

We were hopped up on Lunchables and Capri Suns. The sugar, combined with the watching of Rugrats and Hey Arnold!, brainwashed us into thinking that anything cartoonish and neon-esq was a sign of high fashion. We were a deranged bunch, in desperate need of a fashion trend that did not force us to look like we are the protagonist in The Rainbow Fish.

 

Why did we allow this to happen? Why did we think this was okay?

There … there are no words. This was not okay. #neveragainsparklepurse

 

How can we ensure that history does not repeat itself?

Can we all agree as a group that, if a piece of clothing resembles a certain Pixar bird that has been rolled in glitter and too much sass, it is not for us to wear?

Bird.png

If you are still digging the sparkly look (which we are), we have a more mature, gorgeous option for you.

Endless Rose has a top that is making our pre-teen and our adult selves swoon. It capitalizes on what we love about the sparkle massacre (a little bit of glitter) and omits everything we hate (the plastics, the floppy, the over-all silliness). This is the look our tween self was trying to (and dramatically failed to) achieve. Classy and fun. Graceful with a twist. For your late winter look, we vote Endless Rose.

Grownup Glitter.png

Join us next week for another grown-up version of an old fashion mistake and tag us in your #tbt photos today so we can see the fashion choices you are happy to throw away.

#tbt810

Written by Shelby Dorsey, sadorsey@live.com

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